Learning To Dance

We recently talked with a friend and pastor at our church named Steve who challenged us to learn how to dance. Of course with as much as Sean likes dancing, it is safe to assume that the dance is metaphoric. The dance is between our emotions and our intellect. Through conversations with us, he's learned that we have an "intellectual" slant on life, our marriage, and even our relationship with God. We had no problem agreeing with him because we find value in that view. Emotions get in the way. They skew reality. They can hold us back. He didn't disagree that it is healthy to keep a realistic view, but he also felt like we won't have a wholistic view on life without our emotions. They can bring life to living. As Steve shared, Sean had a bit of an epiphany that if we are all intellect and no emotions, we become legalistic. We act how we're supposed to. But if we're all emotions and no intellect, we become too zealous with a lack of boundaries and guidance. Steve also said that the longer we keep pushing our emotions down, the harder it can be to deal with them when they pop up unexpectedly. Thus, the dance is needed. And thus begins our struggle.

I think for a while now, Sean and I have learned how to survive by suppressing our feelings. Because if we let our feelings take over, then we won't be the people we want to become. We won't be the spouse that God has called us to be to each other. We won't follow through with our commitment to move to England because it hurts too much to leave the life that has been rooting itself in Vegas over the past 8 years. If we had let our emotions get in the way, then we wouldn't have been able to sell our home or our two vehicles or get rid of our pets. We wouldn't be able to look at the 30 or so boxes in our room and realize that that is what our home has been widdled down to. We wouldn't be able to watch our families grow up from a distance. But like Steve said...it's only a matter of time before those emotions begin to surface.

It's kind of like watching a clogged toilet slowly start to rise and then overflow. You stand there watching it, hoping to God that it will start to subside. And before you know it, you have a sopping wet mess to clean up. Recently, our "life toilets" have been rising and rising and have just started overflowing. There has been so much going on. We've had to begin processing the deep grief we have in leaving. We've been grieving hurt and conflict that we've seen in the people and ministries we care about. And to add insult to injury, we were on our way home from church tonight and we hit and killed a cat. Sean pulled off to the side of the road and we just hugged each other and cried. We cried for the cat. We cried for our hurting friends. We cried for the loss we're experiencing as we give up our life and identity in America. Our intellect is telling us that we have a life and a calling waiting for us in England, but our emotions are telling us that it hurts to leave because of the love we have here. I guess we're learning how to dance after all. Please pray for us as we continue to dance.

Sarah and Sean